My terrible first line

I've had an extremely unproductive summer and I'll admit I did absolutely nothing worthwhile with my time but hey, I'm back home and here nobody expects me to put myself to any good use when I'm off for vacations.Since I wouldn't want to break my lazy spell by actually writing something, here's a list of the funniest first lines ever written that made my morning! 33 Of The Most Hilariously Terrible First Sentences In Literature History

I'm also down with a terrible flu but this made me feel SO much better! Its just Horrilarious! (a term used to define something which is equal parts horrifying and hilarious). Thank me later for giving you a new word. 

This list actually inspired me to write something myself.  Here's my attempt at a terrible first line: 

As she lay in a pool of crumpled tissues each one lined with snot, she looked up to her computer screen, the blank whiteness tingled her senses like nose hair right before a sneeze and in that sudden moment of epiphany, she knew. Her writing the greatest novel was as inevitable as a colony of bacteria on a beef steak at room temperature! 

How do you like me now!? 

P.S. Please ignore me. It's the meds talking.